Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
