About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
