Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
