She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
