yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
