are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
