I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
