I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
