I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
