We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
