PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
