i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
