someone owes me an orgasm
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
