He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
