I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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