Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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