You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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