Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Sorry my hands just texted you
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
