im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Randomize
