Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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