Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Randomize
