peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
she looked like the before picture.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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