Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Im part way to drunk.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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