I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
