WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
