woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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