I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
