either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
