What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
