Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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