somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
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