That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
