the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
