So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
