i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
nutella sex= disaster
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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