Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
