Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
