She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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