The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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