My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
