I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
