so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Never joke about your clitoris.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
