Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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