I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
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