apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
