the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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