i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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