Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
