I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
