i already hear my dad disowning me
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
