wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
