Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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